The Sands Of Cocker

The quiet little village of Cockerham is hardly the spot one would
expect to find selected as a place of residence by a gentleman of
decidedly fast habits, and to whom a latch-key is indispensable; yet
once upon a time the Evil One himself, it is said, took up his
quarters in the go-to-bed-early hamlet. It hardly need be stated that
the undesirable resident caused no small stir in the hitherto drowsy
little place. Night after night he prowled about with clanking chains,
and shed an unpleasantly-suggestive odour of sulphur, that rose to the
diamond-paned windows and crept through cracks and chinks to the nasal
organs of the horrified villagers, who had been disturbed by the
ringing of the Satanic bracelets, and, fearing to sleep whilst there
was so strong a smell of brimstone about, lay awake, thinking of the
sins they had committed, or intended to commit if they escaped 'Old
Skrat.'

Before the wandering perfumer had thus, above a score of times,
gratuitously fumigated the villagers, a number of the more daring
ones, whose courage rose when they found that after all they were not
flown away with, resolved that they would have a meeting, at which the
unjustifiable conduct of a certain individual should be discussed, and
means be devised of ridding the village of his odoriferous presence.
In accordance with this determination, a gathering was announced for
noonday, for the promoters of the movement did not dare to assemble
after sunset to discuss such a subject. After a few cursory remarks
from the chairman, and a long and desultory discussion as to the best
way of getting rid of the self-appointed night watchman, it was
settled that the schoolmaster, as the most learned man in the place,
should be the deputation, and have all the honour and profit of an
interview with the nocturnal rambler.

Strange as it may appear, the pedagogue was nothing loath to accept
the office, for if there was one thing more than another for which he
had longed, it was an opportunity of immortalising himself; the daily
round of life in the village certainly affording but few chances of
winning deathless fame. He therefore at once agreed to take all the
risks if he might also have all the glory. Not that he purposed to go
to the Devil; no, the mountain should come to Mahomet; the Evil One
should have the trouble of coming to him.

His determination was loudly applauded by the assembled villagers,
each of whom congratulated himself upon an escape from the dangerous,
if noble, task of ridding the place of an intolerable nuisance.

There was no time to be lost, and a night or two afterwards, no sooner
had the clock struck twelve, than the schoolmaster, who held a branch
of ash and a bunch of vervain in his hand, chalked the conventional
circle{15} upon the floor of his dwelling, stepped within it, and in
a trembling voice began to repeat the Lord's Prayer backwards. When he
had muttered about half of the spell thunder began to roar in the
distance; rain splashed on the roof, and ran in streams from the
eaves; a gust of wind moaned round the house, rattling the loose
leaded panes, shaking the doors, and scattering the embers upon the
hearth. At the same time the solitary light, which had begun to burn a
pale and ghastly blue, was suddenly extinguished, as though by an
invisible hand; but the terrified schoolmaster was not long left in
darkness, for a vivid flash of lightning illuminated the little
chamber, and almost blinded the would-be necromancer, who tried to
gabble a prayer in the orthodox manner, but his tongue refused to
perform its office, and clave to the roof of his mouth.

At that moment, could he have made his escape, he would willingly have
given to the first comer all the glory he had panted to achieve; but
even had he dared to leave the magic circle, there was not time to do
so, for almost immediately there was a second blast of wind, before
which the trees bent like blades of grass, a second flash lighted up
the room, a terrible crash of thunder shook the house to its
foundations, and, as a number of evil birds, uttering doleful cries,
dashed themselves through the window, the door burst open, and the
schoolmaster felt that he was no longer alone.

An instantaneous silence, dreadful by reason of the contrast,
followed, and the moon peeped out between the driving clouds and threw
its light into the chamber. The birds perched themselves upon the
window sill and ceased to cry, and with fiery-looking eyes peered into
the room, and suddenly the trembling amateur saw the face of the dark
gentleman whose presence only a few minutes before he had so eagerly
desired.

Overpowered by the sight, his knees refused to bear him up, what
little hair had not been removed from his head by the stupidity of the
rising generation stood on end, and with a miserable groan he sank
upon his hands and knees, but, fortunately for himself, within the
magic ring, round which the Evil One was running rapidly. How long
this gratuitous gymnastic entertainment continued he knew not, for he
was not in a state of mind to judge of the duration of time, but it
seemed an age to the unwilling observer, who, afraid of having the
Devil behind him, and yielding to a mysterious mesmeric influence,
endeavoured, by crawling round backward, to keep the enemy's face in
front. At length, however, the saltatory fiend asked in a shrill and
unpleasant voice,

'Rash fool, what wantest thou with me? Couldst thou not wait until in
the ultimate and proper course of things we had met?'

Terrified beyond measure not only at the nature of the pertinent
question, but also by the insinuation and the piercing and horrible
tone in which it was spoken, the tenant of the circle knew not what
reply to make, and merely stammered and stuttered--

'Good Old Nick,{16} go away for ever, and'--

'Take thee with me,' interrupted the Satanic one quickly. 'Even so;
such is my intent.'

Upon this the poor wretch cried aloud in terror, and again the Evil
One began to hop round and round and round the ring, evidently in the
hope of catching a part of the body of the occupant projecting over
the chalk mark.

'Is there no escape,' plaintively asked the victim in his extremity,
'is there no escape?'

Upon this Old Nick suddenly stopped his gambols and quietly said,

'Three chances of escape shalt thou have,{17} but if thou failest,
then there is no appeal. Set me three tasks, and if I cannot perform
any one of them, then art thou free.'

There was a glimmer of hope in this, and the shivering necromancer
brightened up a little, actually rising from his ignoble position and
once more standing erect, as he gleefully said,

'I agree.'

'Ah, ah,' said the Evil One _sotto voce_.

'Count the raindrops on the hedgerows from here to Ellel,' cried the
schoolmaster.

'Thirteen,' immediately answered Satan, 'the wind I raised when I came
shook all the others off.'

'One chance gone,' said the wizard, whose knees again began to
manifest signs of weakness.

There was a short pause, the schoolmaster evidently taking time to
consider, for, after all, life, even in a place like Cockerham, was
sweet in comparison with what might be expected in the society of the
odoriferous one whose mirth was so decidedly ill-timed and unmusical.
The silence was not of long continuance, however, for the Evil One
began to fear that a detestably early cock might crow, and thereby
rescue the trembling one from his clutches. In his impatience,
therefore, he knocked upon the floor with his cloven hoof and whistled
loudly, after the manner followed now-a-days by dirty little patrons
of the drama, perched high in the gallery of a twopenny theatre, and
again danced rapidly round the ring in what the tenant deemed
unnecessary proximity to the chalk mark.

'Count the ears of corn in old Tithepig's field,' suddenly cried the
schoolmaster.

'Three millions and twenty-six,' at once answered Satan.

'I have no way of checking it,' moaned the pedagogue.

'Ah, ah,' bellowed the fiend, who now, instead of hopping round the
ring, capered in high glee about the chamber.

'Ho, ho!' laughed the schoolmaster, 'I have it! Here it is! Ho, ho!
Twist a rope of sand{18} and wash it in the river Cocker without
losing a grain.'

The Evil One stepped out of the house, to the great relief of its
occupier, who at once felt that the atmosphere was purer; but in a few
minutes he returned with the required rope of sand.

'Come along,' said he, 'and see it washed.' And he swung it over his
shoulder, and stepped into the lane.

In the excitement of the moment the wizard had almost involuntarily
stepped out of the magic circle, when suddenly he bethought himself of
the danger, and drily said--

'Thank you; I'll wait here. By the light of the moon I can see you
wash it.'

The baffled fiend, without more ado, stepped across to the rippling
streamlet, and dipped the rope into the water, but when he drew it out
he gave utterance to a shout of rage and disappointment, for half of
it had been washed away.

'Hurrah!' shouted the schoolmaster. 'Cockerham against the world!' And
as in his joy he jumped out of the ring, the Evil One, instead of
seizing him, in one stride crossed Pilling Moss and Broadfleet, and
vanished, and from that night to the present day Cockerham has been
quite free from Satanic visits.{19}