The Pills Of The Medici

“When I upon a time was somewhat ill,
Then every man did press on me a cure;
And when my wife departed, all of them
Came crowding round, commending me a spouse;
But now my ass is dead, not one of them
Has offered me another—devil a one!”—_Spanish Jests_.

“_Tu vai cercando il mal_, _come fanno i Medici_”—“Thou goest about
seeking evil, even as the Medici do, and of thee and of them it may
be said, _Anagyram commoves_.”—_Italian Proverbs_, A.D. 1618.

The higher a tree grows, the more do petty animals burrow into its roots, and displace the dirt to show how it grew in lowly earth; and so it is with great families, who never want for such investigators, as appears by the following tale, which refers to the origin of the Medicis, yet which is withal rather merry than malicious.

D’UNO MEDICO CHE CURAVA GLI ASINI.

“It was long ago—so long, Signore Carlo, that the oldest olive-tree in Tuscany had not been planted, and when wolves sometimes came across the Ponte Vecchio into the town to look into the shop-windows, and ghosts and witches were as common by night as Christians by day, that there was a man in Florence who hated work, and who had observed, early as the age was, that those who laboured the least were the best paid. And he was always repeating to himself:

“‘Con arte e con inganno,
Si vive mezzo l’anno,
Con inganno, e con arte,
Si vive l’altra parte.’

“Or in English:

“‘With tricks and cleverness, ’tis clear,
A man can live six months i’ the year,
And then with cleverness and tricks
He’ll live as well the other six.’

“Now having come across a recipe for making pills which were guaranteed to cure everything, he resolved to set up for an universal doctor, and that with nothing but the pills to aid. So he went forth from Florence, wandering from one village to another, selling his pills, curing some people, and getting, as often happens, fame far beyond his deserts, so that the peasants began to believe he could remedy all earthly ills.

“And at last one day a stupid contadino, who had lost his ass, went to the doctor and asked him whether by his art and learning he could recover for him the missing animal. Whereupon the doctor gave him six pills at a _quattrino_ (a farthing) each, and bade him wander forth thinking intently all the time on the delinquent donkey, and, to perfect the spell, to walk in all the devious ways and little travelled tracks, solitary by-paths, and lonely _sentieri_, ever repeating solemnly, ‘_Asino mio_! _asino mio_! _Tu che amo come un zio_!’

“‘Oh my ass! my ass! my ass!
Whom I loved like an uncle,
Alas! alas!’

“And having done this for three days, it came to pass, and no great wonder either, that he found Signore Somaro (or Don Key) comfortably feasting in a dark lane on thistles. After which he praised to the skies the virtue of the wonderful pills, by means of which one could find strayed cattle. And from this dated the doctor’s success, so that he grew rich and founded the family of the Medici, who, in commemoration of this their great ancestor, put the six pills into their shield, as you may see all over Florence to this day.”

* * * * *

There is given in the “Facezie” a story which may be intended as a jest on this family. It is as follows:

“It happened once that a certain doctor or _medico_, who was by no
means wanting in _temerita_ or bold self-conceit, was sent as
ambassador to Giovanna la Superba, or Joanna the Proud, Queen of
Naples. And this Florentine Medico having heard many tales of the
gallantries of the royal lady, thought he would try the chance, and
thereby greatly please himself, and also the better advance his
political aims. Therefore, at the first interview, he told her that
he was charged with a secret mission, which could only be confided to
her ‘between four eyes,’ or in private. So he was taken by her into
a room, where he bluntly made a proposal of love. {8}

“Then the Queen, not in the least discomposed, looking straight at
him, asked if that was one of the questions or demands with which he
had been charged by the Florentines. At which he blushed like a beet
and had no more to say, having learned that a bold beggar deserves a
stern refusal.”

The name of the Medici naturally gave rise to many jests, and one of these is narrated of Gonella, a famous _farceur_. It is as follows:

“One morning, at the table of the Grand Duke Lorenzo, there was a
discussion as to the number and proportion of those who followed
different trades and callings, one declaring that there were more
clothmakers, another more priests than any others, till at last the
host asked Gonella his opinion.

“‘I am sure,’ said Gonella, ‘that there are more doctors than any
other kind of people—_e non accade dubitarne_—and there is no use in
doubting it.’

“‘Little do you know about it,’ replied the Duke, ‘if you do not know
that in all this city there are only two or three accredited
physicians.’

“‘With how little knowledge,’ answered Gonella, ‘can a state be
governed. It seems, O Excellency, that you have so much to do that
you do not know what is in your city, nor what the citizens do.’ And
the result of the debate was a bet, and Gonella took every bet
offered, his stakes being small and the others great—_A quattrino e
quattrino si fa il fiorino_—Farthings to farthings one by one make a
pound when all is done.

“The next morning Gonella, having well wrapped up his throat and face
in woollen stuff, stood, looking pitifully enough, at the door of the
Duomo, and every one who passed asked him what was the matter, to
which he replied, ‘All my teeth ache terribly.’ And everybody
offered him an infallible remedy, which he noted down, and with it
the name of him who gave it. And then going about town, he made out
during the day a list of three hundred prescribers, with as many
prescriptions.

“And last of all he went to the palace at the hour of supper, and the
Grand Duke seeing him so wrapped up, asked the cause, and hearing
that it was toothache, also prescribed a sovereign remedy, and
Gonella put it with the name of the Duke at the head of the list.
And going home, he had the whole fairly engrossed, and the next day,
returning to the palace, was reminded of his bets. Whereupon he
produced the paper, and great was the laughter which it caused, since
it appeared by it that all the first citizens and nobles of Florence
were physicians, and that the Grand Duke himself was their first
Medico. So it was generally admitted that Gonella had won, and they
paid him the money, with which he made merry for many days.”

This tale has been retold by many a writer, but by none better than by an American feuilletoniste, who improved it by giving a number of the prescriptions commended. Truly it has been well said that at forty years of age every man is either a fool or a physician.

I have another legend of the Medici, in which it is declared that their armorial symbol is a key, and in which they are spoken of as wicked and cruel. It is as follows:

I MEDICI.

“The Palazzo Medici is situated in the Borgo degli Albizzi, and this
palace is called by the people _I Visacchi_ (_i.e._, figures or
faces), because there are to be seen in it many figures of people who
were when alive all witches and wizards, but who now live a life in
death in stone.

“The arms of the Medici bear a great key, and it is said that this
was a sorcerer’s or magic key, which belonged to the master of all
the wizards or to the queen of the witches.

“And being ever evil at heart and cruelly wicked, the old Medici
sought restlessly every opportunity to do wrong, which was greatly
aided by the queen of the witches herself, who entered the family,
and allied herself to one of it; others say she was its first
ancestress. And that being on her death-bed, she called her husband,
or son, or the family, and said:

“‘Take this key, and when I am dead, open a certain door in the
cellar, which, through secret passages, leads to an enchanted garden,
in which you will find all the books and apparatus needed to acquire
great skill in sorcery, and thus thou canst do all the evil and enjoy
all the crime that a great ruler can desire; spare not man in thy
vengeance, nor woman in thy passion; he lives best who wishes for
most and gets what he wants.’

“Thus it came to pass that the Medici became such villains, and why
they bear a key.”

Villains they may have been, but they were not so deficient in moral dignity as a friend of mine, who, observing that one of the pills in their scutcheon is blue, remarked that they were the first to take a blue pill.

Since the above was written I have collected many more, and indeed far more interesting and amusing legends of the Medici; especially several referring to Lorenzo the Magnificent, which are not given by any writer that I am aware of. These will appear, I trust, in a second series.

“A race which was the reflex of an age
So strange, so flashed with glory, so bestarred
With splendid deeds, so flushed with rainbow hues,
That one forgot the dark abyss of night
Which covered it at last when all was o’er.
Take all that’s evil and unto it add
All that is glorious, and the result
Will be, in one brief word, the Medici.”