Hereafterthis

Once upon a time there was a farmer called Jan, and he lived all alone
by himself in a little farmhouse.

By-and-by he thought that he would like to have a wife to keep it all
vitty for him.

So he went a-courting a fine maid, and he said to her: "Will you marry
me?"

"That I will, to be sure," said she.

So they went to church, and were wed. After the wedding was over, she
got up on his horse behind him, and he brought her home. And they lived
as happy as the day was long.

One day, Jan said to his wife, "Wife can you milk-y?"

"Oh, yes, Jan, I can milk-y. Mother used to milk-y, when I lived home."

So he went to market and bought her ten red cows. All went well till one
day when she had driven them to the pond to drink, she thought they did
not drink fast enough. So she drove them right into the pond to make
them drink faster, and they were all drowned.

When Jan came home, she up and told him what she had done, and he said,
"Oh, well, there, never mind, my dear, better luck next time."

So they went on for a bit, and then, one day, Jan said to his wife,
"Wife can you serve pigs?"

"Oh, yes, Jan, I can serve pigs. Mother used to serve pigs when I lived
home."

So Jan went to market and bought her some pigs. All went well till one
day, when she had put their food into the trough she thought they did
not eat fast enough, and she pushed their heads into the trough to make
them eat faster, and they were all choked.

When Jan came home, she up and told him what she had done, and he said,
"Oh, well, there, never mind, my dear, better luck next time."

So they went on for a bit, and then, one day, Jan said to his wife,
"Wife can you bake-y?"

"Oh, yes, Jan, I can bake-y. Mother used to bake-y when I lived home."

So he bought everything for his wife so that she could bake bread. All
went well for a bit, till one day, she thought she would bake white
bread for a treat for Jan. So she carried her meal to the top of a high
hill, and let the wind blow on it, for she thought to herself that the
wind would blow out all the bran. But the wind blew away meal and bran
and all--so there was an end of it.

When Jan came home, she up and told him what she had done, and he said,
"Oh, well, there, never mind, my dear, better luck next time."

So they went on for a bit, and then, one day, Jan said to his wife,
"Wife can you brew-y?"

"Oh, yes, Jan, I can brew-y. Mother used to brew-y when I lived home."

So he bought everything proper for his wife to brew ale with. All went
well for a bit, till one day when she had brewed her ale and put it in
the barrel, a big black dog came in and looked up in her face. She drove
him out of the house, but he stayed outside the door and still looked up
in her face. And she got so angry that she pulled out the plug of the
barrel, threw it at the dog, and said, "What dost look at me for? I be
Jan's wife." Then the dog ran down the road, and she ran after him to
chase him right away. When she came back again, she found that the ale
had all run out of the barrel, and so there was an end of it.

When Jan came home, she up and told him what she had done, and he said,
"Oh well, there, never mind, my dear, better luck next time."

So they went on for a bit, and then, one day, she thought to herself,
"'T is time to clean up my house." When she was taking down her big bed
she found a bag of groats on the tester. So when Jan came home, she up
and said to him, "Jan, what is that bag of groats on the tester for?"

"That is for Hereafterthis, my dear."

Now, there was a robber outside the window, and he heard what Jan said.
Next day, he waited till Jan had gone to market, and then he came and
knocked at the door. "What do you please to want?" said Mally.

"I am Hereafterthis," said the robber, "I have come for the bag of
groats."

Now the robber was dressed like a fine gentleman, so she thought to
herself it was very kind of so fine a man to come for the bag of groats,
so she ran upstairs and fetched the bag of groats, and gave it to the
robber and he went away with it.

When Jan came home, she said to him, "Jan, Hereafterthis has been for
the bag of groats."

"What do you mean, wife?" said Jan.

So she up and told him, and he said, "Then I'm a ruined man, for that
money was to pay our rent with. The only thing we can do is to roam the
world over till we find the bag of groats." Then Jan took the house-door
off its hinges, "That's all we shall have to lie on," he said. So Jan
put the door on his back, and they both set out to look for
Hereafterthis. Many a long day they went, and in the night Jan used to
put the door on the branches of a tree, and they would sleep on it. One
night they came to a big hill, and there was a high tree at the foot. So
Jan put the door up in it, and they got up in the tree and went to
sleep. By-and-by Jan's wife heard a noise, and she looked to see what it
was. It was an opening of a door in the side of the hill. Out came two
gentlemen with a long table, and behind them fine ladies and gentlemen,
each carrying a bag, and one of them was Hereafterthis with the bag of
groats. They sat round the table, and began to drink and talk and count
up all the money in the bags. So then Jan's wife woke him up, and asked
what they should do.

"Now's our time," said Jan, and he pushed the door off the branches,
and it fell right in the very middle of the table, and frightened the
robbers so that they all ran away. Then Jan and his wife got down from
the tree, took as many money-bags as they could carry on the door, and
went straight home. And Jan bought his wife more cows, and more pigs,
and they lived happy ever after.